


Summer Ends And Panic Begins

by ItsLulu



Series: College Disaster [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: -for spoil reasons, -idk why. It might change..., Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Bad Puns, Bullying, Deceit Sanders Has a Different Name, Deceits name in here is Damian, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Has Issues, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Good Deceit Sanders, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insomnia, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Know your triggers, Lies, Lots of Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Most tags wont be tagged, Nonbinary Character, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Suicide Attempt, Platonic Relationships, Relapse, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Swearing, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Therapy, Trans Character, Triggers, Trust Issues, Virgil has lots of problems, alot of anxiety, dad jokes, maybe slow updates?, so does Deceit, uhh, whats grammar?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-03-01 08:49:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18797005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsLulu/pseuds/ItsLulu
Summary: Summer Its over.School has begun.For some students its time to panic.Others it's the best thing that could happen in there lives.





	1. Overwhelmed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two boys walk the grounds.
> 
> Everything is okay....
> 
> Right?
> 
> What could go wrong?
> 
> Everything could and would go wrong.
> 
> Aka Collage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Simi-Descriptive Panic/Anxiety  
> (Tell me if I missed something)
> 
> Reader Warning: This still needs a bit of editing. Low-key whats grammar

POV: Virgil's 1st person

 

I squeezed the hand that is in my left gently as I let out a shaky sigh. I can feel the panic welling up inside and it's starting to become harder to breathe. The owner of said hand looked towards me and lightly smiled but it was quickly replaced by a concerned and worried frown as our heterochromic eyes met each other. Tears start to brim my eyes and I bite my lip to stop the ever-growing sobs from escaping. 

 

They suddenly stopped walking, so I had to stop as I was following them and not really paying attention around me. Which was proven as I had almost bumped into several people as we walked further into the school grounds. Their concern is basically radiating off them.

 

_please don't make a big deal out of this I’m fine_

 

“Anx… you okay?” They ask softly, loud and stern but still managing to do it softly. I find there voice calming. They start to move to where they're standing in front of me slowly—never once breaking eye contact—They put there open hand on my shoulder making me flench sightly, but they don't retract their arm from where it lays as they stand there ground.

 

I want to say no, to shake my head, to just do something. But I need to get over this or there's no way I could manage 4 years of school.

 

“Yeah... I-I, I’m fine...” I say barely above a whisper my stupid stutter getting in the way. I’m surprised that they can even hear me above all the noise of the large number of people around. But if I just played mute and moved my head then they would want a voiced answer anyway. I'm not that panicked to stop talking completely and they know it.

 

“Anx please don't lie.” They say and I didn’t miss the hurt and disappointment in their eyes. I just bite my lip harder and move my gaze down towards my black shoes with purple laces. The hand that was on my shoulder moved to my cheek and I flench harder than I did before. I can feel the hand sightly retracted but the warm hand comes right back when I let out a small whimper. I can feel the yellow knitted fingerless gloves I had given them as a birthday present a few years back and the memory brings a clam wave to my panicked state. I look up and met there gaze once more as they let go of my left hand to cup my face. Their thumbs wipe the tears I didn’t know where falling, I just sniffle and lean into the contact and let out a small hum. The wool slightly scratches my skin but I ignore the small stings.

 

They chuckle at my antics “Hey…you want to go find a place to sit for a bit?” they ask carefully and quieter than before as we had moved closer. I nod and we moved over to a bench that wasn't too far away, gladly no one was sitting there or near as most people were entering the building we were meant to enter. I didn’t realize how much I was shaking until I forced my legs to move. I had to lean most of my weight on them than I probably needed to. They set me down on the colored bench gently as they go to crouch in front of me on the pavement.

 

My anxiety suddenly spiked and my breathing hicked. I moved my legs onto the bench and my arms went to wrap around them. I made my head move onto my knees and tried to calm my erratic breathing. I was basically in the fetal position on a bench. I just need to calm down.

 

How pathetic and stupid I must look

 

“Anx can u please look at me”

 

I slowly move my head to where our eyes met and I can basically see the worry radiate off them.

 

“Oh, Anx….” They softly mutter as they move to cup my face once more, I don't flinch this time but instead, I softly exhale the breath I didn’t know I was holding.

 

“Storm Cloud it's okay we can leave” I blush at the nickname and chew on my lip “I knew this would be too much for you to handle” They mutter but before I could deny the accusation that was, in fact, true they continued “Its just orientation we won't miss anything.” They say softly grabbing my hands and holding them away from me. I know what they're doing and gilt envelops me like wildfire—I can't harm myself like this position—I sigh and shake my head no.

 

_I can do this… j-just give me a minute_

 

They sigh and I regret my decision—I must have made them mad— “Okay...” They bite there lip “But tell me if it gets too much or if you feel like your about to have an attack… alright?” I nod with a ghost of a smile on my lips, even though the panicked feeling is still growing.

 

_I want to do this_

 

“Alright” They let go of my hands and stands up and I'm left confused as I can't see them anymore—the tears that are still brimming my eyes making my line of vision almost nonexistent—They wouldn’t leave me…right? I know I’m a pathetic mess and that I should just di- A gloved hand that is suddenly on my shoulder breaks me from my thoughts as I look up and I’m met with the comforting and soft miss colored eyes that I’m familiar with.

 

Am I that messed up that my mind got that dark over something so silly?

 

“Hey, are you good?” They ask, and I nod once more. They give me a look as if they don't completely believe me and they move to sit on the bench far enough not to make me panic but close enough that it's comforting. They stay silent as they open their arms, there's no need for words as I know what they're asking more like wanting. I basically throw myself into there arms. They embrace me in the hug and I melt under the comforting warmth. I lay my head on their chest And the rest their head on mine. I can feel there steady calm rising of there chest and their calm breaths. They are whispering soft nothings as an effort to calm me down. I focus on the sound and feeling and calm my own breath down. We sit in silence for a while, a silence that isn't awkward just comforting and neither of us make an effort to move out of our comfortable position.

 

Eventually, I figure I have calmed down enough to continue and face whatever will and could happen on these school grounds. I tap there shoulder a bit to get their attention and they move there head off of mine. I move a bit in turn and look up to met there gaze and I smile and give a small nod, “T-thanks De... I-I’m good now I promise”. De smiles and moves to nod in confirmation. I slowly sit up more so De can stand up. I watch their movements now that I have finally quit crying I can see without blurry dots clouding my vision.

 

De holds there hand out towards me and I take it as I’m pulled up slowly. “There we go Storm, ready?” I blush and nod, there's not much else I can do as they keep hold of my right hand so it's not like I can sign easily. And there's no way I could speak anymore with my nerves this shot. So I’m reduced to simple movements, gladly De understands, and starts moving towards the building we were to enter for the school's orientation. I notice De is also watching the crowds movements to make sure that the building is the right one. I know the school gave us a map so it's not like we could get lost as De did pack it in the backpack like tote bag they where carrying at the moment. I'm not too sure why it was given to us in the mail and not given to us here like it was meant to. So there lookful gaze is most likely to comfort me and make sure I don't actually bump into anyone. 

 

_College here we come…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH! Ok ok, so I tried Writing Sanders Sides for the 1st time tell me how I did. If you're confused about anything please ask, please leave feedback and if you like it leave a kudos.
> 
> Ok, so I'll leave the next chapter up to you. should we do fluff-ish angst or go straight to the heavy angst?
> 
> Fluff: Find out more about how the characters are portrayed and overall information about them in this story. More of 'De' and Virgil relationship moments and you get a small encounter of some of the other characters. 
> 
> Angst: you will have to wait to find out information that would have been given in the fluff route. A major plot point will be looked over and be referenced or/as flashbacks but not in the detail it was given in the other route
> 
> I honestly don't see why you wouldn't want the extra fluff but meh I shall give you an option!! Both routes will get to the same spot in the story.


	2. Annoyance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has problems...  
> some more than others
> 
> and some cant accept that
> 
> but can they just you know...  
>  ** _exist_**  
>  without being stared at??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Anxiety, Explicit Language, Seemingly Unfair School Treatment To People Who Have Mental Issues, Therapy Is Mentioned.
> 
> Please tell me if I left out a trigger or spelled anything wrong.

Point of View: Third person

 

 

It was loud

 

Well that was an understatement

 

It was _very_ loud and _very_ crowded

 

Virgil knew that once the sound of the doors closing behind him died off. The screams and laughs from groups of students, the crying of babies and the tons and _tons_ of amounts of people who were all probably staring and judging him... and oh... oh god

 

_He can't do this_

 

The amount of pressure he was putting on hand he was holding almost doubled within the second of realization, making the owner of said hand, Dee wince slightly and look towards the anxious boy. The concern from earlier had never once left but now was evident all over his face.

 

His boyfriend was standing in front of him with both hands on the shaken boys shoulders within seconds.

 

“Shi-... shoot _Anx_ what's wrong?” The way he said Virgil's name sent shivers down his spine not ready for the level of softness Dee said his nickname in. He almost wanted to laugh at his attempt at covering the curse word. It's not like Virgil didn't like cursing, In fact, he cursed like a sailor if he wanted to, so there must be a teacher nearby.

 

He wanted to answer but he could feel the panic crawling up wanting to explode once he started to talk. So he just restored to what he had done in previous situations...

 

A nod. A simple movement of his head. Left and right to represent a no, was all he could do at that moment.

 

Realization engulfed in his boyfriend's eyes as he made an ‘oh’ face as a blush started to envelop his face. He looked around and noticed just how many people were here and as what looked to be a 5-year-old girl running around screamed when what was to be guessed as her older brother picked her up to stop her from her small rampage, then did Dee let out a small gasp of realization. He made eye contact once more, the movement causing Virgil to flinch.

 

“Oh, baby is it too loud?” he asked in a soft whisper. A quick nod from the quivering boy had the other swiftly taking off the backpack he had on. Taking out a pair of soundproof wireless black and purple cat ear headphones, De softly placed the said object on Virgil’s head and over his ears.

 

Virgil was immediately overtaken with pleasant silence. With the loud sounds that were once clogging his head gone, he could finally figure out how to breathe.

 

_In for four, hold for seven, out for eight_

 

The sudden tap on his shoulder had Virgil looking towards his boyfriend, fighting his reflexes to flench.

 

 _He was safe,_ _it's okay_

 

“Better?” The simple word was exaggerated to make it easier for Virgil to read his lips. With a curt nod, they continued inside the large building.

 

They eventually navigated to the seats and around the hundreds of students and families to the last row of seats in the corner where fewer people were sitting.

 

Virgil wasn't really paying attention, he just let his boyfriend lead the way as he stared mindlessly into space and his mind numb. He was as calm as he could be in a public space. Virgil had no dought that his boyfriend would take care of him as he carefully maneuvered them into the—somewhat—discrete seats without any problem.

 

The school's orientation won't be starting till 1:15, it was 1:10 if Dee’s watch was correct. But Dee let out a audible groan.

 

_5 more minutes of madness_

 

Suddenly Dee felt a weight on his shoulder, as he looked over he smiled. Virgil must have been tired, as he was ‘asleep’ and leaning on his shoulder with his eyes closed. Dee knew better to assume his boyfriend was asleep, as sleeping in public places or around basically anyone was impossible for Virgil. Surprisingly the position Virgil was in had the somewhat pointed ears on his headphones to where there weren't poking Dee.

 

Dee paid no mind to the cute boy as a distant snicker was heard.

 

His attention was hastily shifted towards the sound as he sees three people all sit two chairs down from himself. Virgil was on his right sitting on the outside and end of the row of chairs they were sitting in. But Dee could have sworn they were staring at him.

 

_Where they?_

 

He didn't have time to think for too long as a sound boomed from a speaker system. All attention was sent to the front of the room towards the stage.

 

“Hello and welcome to our school! Now if you all can sit we can start orientation”

 

The booming voice said as Dee looked towards the stage it was evident there where three people up there two women and one man. The man that was standing in the middle was the one with the microphone.

 

He didn't have time to pay much attention as the weight that was now known as his boyfriend shifted.

 

He moved his gaze towards the anxious boy laying on his shoulder and he hummed in a questioning manner when he saw that the smaller boy in question was looking up at him. His head was tilted at a small angle and he had a cute little confused look engraved in his eyes that had Dee blushing.

 

Moving his arms to where Dee could move them freely he asked the confused boy, ‘What is it, my dark angel?’ He went ahead and signed to him as he figured Virgil would be too tired and somewhat dazed to read lips, the headphones did do there intended purpose well. Virgil blushed, smiled and shrugged, he snuggled more into Dee’s side as he let out a small purr.

 

_Goddam how is he so cute??!?!_

 

Dee’s face was as red as a tomato. But once again, a snicker brought Dee out of his small daze. The blush has gone within seconds. He secretively looked towards the sound and was met with the same three people. He almost let out a growl.

 

The one furthest to them had a grey cardigan draped around his shoulders like a cape, with glasses adorning his freckled face. Dee was immediately reminded of a dad like person. The one in the middle had glasses as well but had a tie with a blue dress shirt. He also had a book on his lap. Lastly—the one Dee assumed to be the one snickering—The one who was closest to Dee himself had a red fancy letterman jacket that clearly didn't belong to him. Dee did not like the last one at all, he looked and had this ora of ‘Hey look at me. I'm better than you’ And that didn't sit well with him one bit.

 

He would have gone up and confronted them if not for the adorable blob basically sitting in his lap—wait when did Virgil move himself to the point he was almost sitting on Dee’s lap without him noticing?—Dee also promised to behave and not to pick fights now that they were in college, not that all the fights he had been in was his fault…

 

Dee could tell Virgil knew someone was looking towards them as he hugged Dee harder than before.

 

That small movement that was meant to seek comfort made Dee madder and smile at the same time.

 

 _How dare they_ _Fucking_ _Make HIS boyfriend upset_?!?!

 

Aside from a few more snickers—that seemed to be directed towards Dee and his boyfriend—The orientation went off without a problem.

 

Dee new most of the stuff the school was talking about. Most of it was plane school information like rules, where things were, and what clubs were available. And other things were discussed on the pieces of papers that were sent in the mail—And in the meetings, Dee was sent to attend before the school year started for Virgil. But other students didn't need to attend the 'special' meetings.

 

Once Virgil's medical history was given to the school things went to shit. Virgil's doctor was called to clarify any confusion the school board had with Virgils ‘problems’. Dee had to attend multiple meetings to infer that Virgil would be ‘safe’ and ‘comfortable’.

 

It was flat out stupid. The way the teachers talked made it sound like Virgil was a baby. 

 

De may or may not be blinded by love-stricken bias...

 

‘Oh and if he ever gets too _anxious_ have him tell his teacher and he can be excused’

 

Shit like that had Dee inraged. Virgil wanted— _Needed_ —to be treated like a normal student, not to be given all these special privileges and rules. But Dee could do nothing but sit there and listen to them talk about Virgil like he was 5. Gladly It did come with some perks, they got all the schools information beforehand, and Dee was in almost all of Virgils classes. The best part the school made sure they would be in the same dorm building and in the same room.

 

The whole thing was unfair and unjust even with the 'benefits'... Every teacher knew about the ‘special’ students and were told to let them do basically whatever they want to.

 

Gladly Dee managed to convince the school board that Virgil did not need extra ‘helping’ classes. And thankfully Virgil knew nothing of the schools seemingly crouped system as he was not needed at any meetings since Dee knew a lot about Virgil. And Dee was planning on keeping it that way.

 

Because of that, the school's orientation was flat out boring. Dee told Virgil they wouldn't miss anything but as he was paranoid and had no clue of the ‘benefits’ he had been given behind his back, he insisted on going.

 

But honestly, Dee was so proud of Virgil for coming to this event, despite his obvious panic. He would make sure to shower Virgil in love once they got situated in their dorm room.

 

Once the speakers on the stage were done and allowed everyone to leave did Dee let go of his death grip on Virgil. Dee made no move to stand as he waited for most people to leave before notifying his boyfriend that it was over to avoid any panic. Against Dee’s wishes so did the three people that seemed to push his buttons. As they also waited for the crowd to calm. So instead of going left and in turn the shorter route as it leads to the front doors, Dee planned ongoing right. To avoid the chance of walking in front or behind them. There was no way in hell De was letting the strangers walk next to him and his distressed boyfriend.

 

Once the crowd died down enough for Dee’s liking, then did he move to gently shake the anxious boy. Said boy shot up and looked around dazed making Dee laugh. Since there were fewer people he took off the headphones adoring Virgil's head and softly whispered “Hey sleepy it's over” at the end Dee stuck his tongue out making Virgil giggle. The sound was heaven in De's ears.

 

Virgil just nodded and gently pushed himself off his boyfriend and softly yawned.

 

Dee stood up and offered his hand to Virgil who took it and then stretched once both of his feet were on the ground. Virgil made no move to start walking so Dee took it upon himself to direct them right and towards the side doors.

 

One thing Dee noticed was that the same three people all stood up when Virgil did and only did start moving after they mad almost made it towards the side doors. Something that did not settle with Dee well was that all of there eyes hadn't once stopped looking at Virgil until the one with the tie started to move. All of them were holding hands so when the first one moved the others were forced to follow. Gladly they did, in fact, move left and towards the front doors and not towards the side door like Dee and Virgil were heading towards.

 

_What the fuck??!_

 

Virgil paid no mind but the feeling of eyes on him had him uncomfortable but he knew Dee would protect him so he squeezed there interlocked hands for reassurance. Noticing his boyfriends irritation.

 

Dee snapped out of his angered gaze and hummed softly and his shaken boyfriend.

 

“You… a-are you ok?” the soft whisper almost broke Dee’s heart. Virgil sounded so _scared_ and so  _small_. Dee just smiled and he nodded. The one who should be comforted was his obviously shaken and distressed boyfriend. Continuing the walk towards where Dee had parked the car. Just one more stop before heading to the dorms.

 

_Therapy here we come._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !The way the school system is told is from Deceits prospective and not completely correct as he is biased!
> 
> The cover Has been made for 'Summer Ends And Panic Begins'  
> over on Instagram ~ https://www.instagram.com/_lulu_artz_/


	3. Singing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes he cries 
> 
> Sometimes he sings
> 
> All the time he loves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Panic Attack, Hints At Eating Disorder, Strong Language, Self Hatred, Fluffy Moments, Angst, Crying, Mentions Of Food.
> 
>  
> 
> Please let me know if something is missing, misspelled, wrong, or needs correcting.
> 
> Revisions have been made <3

The walk to the car was quiet. Neither wanting to talk nor make an effort to make any sound as they made their way to the car. The cat headphones hanging around Virgil's neck, the cord swinging mindlessly as it was plugged into nothing. De’s backpack almost dropping the floor on numerous occasions, having him move the strap back up and onto his shoulder to keep it from falling to the floor.

Once the two got to the car did they finally make eye contact once more. Both smiling as they each other the front doors and hopping in. De took off the bag from his shoulder and set it in the floorboard of the back seat.

Virgil let out a shaky and weary sigh as he sat down. De immediately looking over, stopping in the middle of putting the keys in the ignition. Virgil was looking down staring blankly at his lap as soft almost silent sobs erupted and shook his body.

De looked scared and afraid to do something, He looked hesitant and unsure as to what had happened to change Virgil's seemingly fine mood. He had his hands outstretched, unsure of whether to make a move. He remembered Virgil's rules, no unexpected touching unless in dire need was one major rules.

The sobs got louder.

“Virgil... baby please what's wrong... what happened?” De cooed softly not wanting to scare his crying boyfriend.

Virgil stiffened, he was unsure of what happened completely. What had triggered it? What was wrong with him? All he knows is that he wants it to stop. Until he felt the panic exploding did find answers.

A panic attack.

_ Shit _

It was obvious now Virgil realized.

His sobs grew in realization, he wrapped his arms around himself, shrinking in the now suffocating car seat. His eyes stung as tears flowed like waterfalls down his face. His vision blurred and made it impossible to see past the tears. he squeezed his eyes it now hurt to keep them open.

He can hear so much but so little at the same time. He can hear his uneven, choked gasps for air. He can hear a loud ringing, playing over everything else doing nothing but adding another layer to every other noise. His heartbeat was deafening. 

 

_ it’s too loud _

He can feel sweat dripping down his temple, sticking his hair to his forehead. He can feel every time his hoodie brushed against his arms, stomach, and back. His jeans against his legs. He can literally feel the air in his room, pushing down on his skin, making him feel so heavy. He can feel everything and it’s all too much and oh god why won’t it all just stop? 

 

He Felt his nails digging into his arms and sides through his hoodie. The blood seeping through the small openings in his skin made by his nails. The feeling slightly grounded him. It was strange but Virgil love feeling the pain as it first occurred. It proved to him he was still—somehow—alive.

De watched trying desperately to get Virgil’s attention without touching him as he repeatedly called his name. Small tears pricked in De’s eyes as he watched Virgil cry. It was heartbreaking as he felt like he couldn't do anything.

Virgil could hear talking but it was if he was underwater and Virgil couldn't grasp onto any words. He tried, he  _ tried  _ to concentrate on the sound. The feeling of passing-out grew as he continued to hyperventilate. His chest burned and ached as he heaved and wheezed. He concentrated on staying conscious but he first needed to breathe.

_ How the fuck do you breathe?!?! _

 

It hurts to breathe, it hurts not to breathe. It hurts to keep his eyes open and why are the lights so bright? All he can do is curl tighter into a ball, squeezed his eyes shut as tight as possible and fight his own body for oxygen no matter how much it hurts to do so. __

 

De watched as Virgil's body swayed and curled more. He knew Virgil was in danger of passing out. Biting he came to a conclusion. Feeling Virgil freeze made De want to turn back but new he couldn't,  _ He shouldn't _ . Taking Virgil's arm away from his chest would be impossible as Virgil had a death grip around himself. De gently shook Virgil trying to break his haze whispering soft nothings and reassurance.

Virgil felt the burning of his arm as his body told him of someone touching him. It burns. It’s hot like fire and it burns. It feels as though he is being doused in acid that is burning away his skin, seeping into his pores and mingling in his blood. 

 

_ It hurts _

 

It hurt but it also felt nice, it grounded him more than the pain in his arms. He somewhat managed to hear the soft voice of who Virgil assumed was the owner of the hand. He once again tried to concentrate on the voice.

The more he concentrated the more the voice sounded like his boyfriend. Where was he? Why was his boyfriend there? The more he focused the more his mind unclouded.

He was in De’s car on the school's campus parking lot. De was there because he was attending the same school and they would be living on campus together. He opened his blurred eyes and made contact with the teary eyes of his boyfriend. He let out a sob of relief.

De smiled, watery yet gratefully as his boyfriend's eyes opened and met his own. “Baby, can u hear me?” He said softly. Receiving a small nod in return. De let out a sigh of relief almost wanting to sob then and there but Virgil’s well being was far more important. Smiling softly, he concentrated on getting Virgil to breathe.

“Virgil, can you concentrate on my voice?” De asked letting go of his shoulders and grasping Virgil's arm. Once more a small nod was given.

“Good Virgil. Good” Letting out a soft sigh De continued. “Okay, can u breath in for four seconds for me?”

Virgil gave a small nod as he concentrated on breathing in. Failing numerous times he wanted to break down and sob some more as his lungs refused to work. They burned, more pain enveloped his features. Black dots showed in the corners of his eyes but he refused to pass out. The only thing stopping him from accepting temptation was his boyfriend's comforting words.

“It's okay, shhh Virgil it's okay. You can do it, Virgil try again… please” De begged. He needed Virgil to breathe properly and fast, he was desperate. 

Virgil nodding he tried again, eventually succeeding he finally moved on to holding his breath for seven seconds. He failed a few times before he was able to get it like before. The reassuring words proving as great help and motivation for Virgil. He was able to get past the breathing exercise after many trial and error. Repeating the process a couple of times.

With his breathing finally under control, his arms fell limply to his sides as he uncurled from his fetal position in the seat. He laid back and closed his eyes once more. Exhaustion racked his sore body.

“Virgil baby are you okay?” De panicked a bit when Virgil went limp in the seat.

At the tone De had, Virgil almost wanted to cry. He didn't deserve the worry De was giving him. De deserved so much better. But he just let out a soft hum as he opened his eyes hazily and looked towards his distraught boyfriend. Accompanied by a small nod as their watery eyes met.

De having his hands free from when they fell off Virgil's shoulders he brushed his sweaty hair into a mess on top of his head. The small giggle from Virgil had De blushing and trying to fix his hair. Giving up quickly he moved to check his phone for the time. Letting out a sigh as they still had plenty of time to make the appointment.

De laid back into his seat and finally turned the key to the ignition after putting on his seat belt. He paused, listening to the soft hum of the car and any noise from his boyfriend. Looking around the car and parking lot he was about to start driving but stopped. he remembered a crucial thing. Turning to Virgil, blushing at the confused noise Virgil let out at not seeing the car move.

“V, can you get the bag from the back?” 

Vigil hummed and took off the seat belt he must have put on sometime when De wasn't paying attention. Turning and grabbing the bag, Virgil looked confused when he turned back and towards his boyfriend.

“Virgil, honey... I know you don't want to but….” De paused biting his lip. Virgil felt the panic rise but did his best to hide it. What was De about to say? Virgil didn't think he could handle something bad.

“Can you look into the front pocket and take out something to eat please?” De practically begged, noticing how Virgil froze.

Virgil didn't want to and De new. He had a hard time eating after attacks, or more so in general. He believed he didn't deserve food or more so he didn't deserve anything. The look in De’s eyes had Virgil wanting to do anything to make him happy. Virgil has improved drastically on his eating habits since De started dating him. He could do it, he wanted to make De proud, he knew he could.

Nodding slowly as he opened the front pocket. Virgil looked almost in horror at the snacks that were laying inside. Hesitantly he took out a small granola bar. Looking unsure Virgil met his boyfriend's eyes.

De smiling as he watched Virgil take out what looked to be a granola bar. Giving a proud nod as their eyes met. De watched as Virgil slowly opened the package, looking completely uncomfortable as his eyes shifted around the car.

“Its okay Virgil...” De said softly turning his head towards the steering wheel started to drive. De new one of Virgil's ‘rules’ was not to watch him eat as it made him extremely anxious. Turning on the radio and smiling at the lyrics as they filled the car. De started softly singing the lyrics. Seeing in the corner of his vision as Virgil nibbled the snack and smiling lightly as De sang.

Eventually, Virgil's eyes seeped close as he felt the tiredness from the attack seep through. Not going to sleep but close. De noticing mumbled a ‘rest’ as the lyrics had a break and Virgil smiled in appreciation. De would have liked if Virgil ate more but wasn't about to push the sleep deprived and very worn out boy. The leftover small snack was still gripped in Virgils had.

De continued singing as the music played. He watched the road carefully as he drives towards the direction of the therapy building.

 

Gladly the center wasn't too far from the school's campus.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Long time no update.  
> I am really sorry, School ended and my schedule went to trash. It's taking me a bit longer than I thought too adjust. More updates should happen more regularly as I try to get a summer schedule. 
> 
> A Sanders Sides Ask blog is on its way onto hopefully Tumblr and Instagram.
> 
> ~lulu


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